what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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