The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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