I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
