6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
