Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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