Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
