just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
