I wish I could punch you in the face.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
