I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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