He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
