you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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