Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
