Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
