My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
