you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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