She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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