ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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