I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
