And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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