You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
is that a dick in a sweater?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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