anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
