I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
