lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
