the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
