tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize