don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
