A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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