the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
