Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
