I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
