You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
