as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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