If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize