I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
