How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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