I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
