These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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