I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
