I need help removing her.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
