The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
