i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
