I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize