then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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