I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
