We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
