You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
