Already got asked if we're dating
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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