Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
