My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
