its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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