I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
