didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
