It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
