totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
