I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
