is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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