a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
