I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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