Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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