Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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