Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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