Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
