Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
