I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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