The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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