so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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