Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
