the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
