He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
