After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
