he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
