We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
