Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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