fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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