gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
